A family’s loss drives them to keep other infants sleeping safe

Mike and Kristen Willoughby proudly share their sons’ school and sports accomplishments like most parents. But they also speak openly about a painful chapter in their lives—the loss of their first son, Parker, who died at 4 months old from sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

To honor him, they celebrate Parker Spaghetti Night every year on his birthday. They also share Parker's story to help others understand the dangers of SIDS and sudden unexpected infant death (SUID), and how safe sleep practices can help keep babies safe. 

“People need to hear that this is very real,” says Kristen, a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) nurse at Holy Cross Health. “There are people who have lost their children to this. It isn’t just something we say.”

Some SUID cases, like SIDS, have no known cause. Others—such as accidental suffocation or strangulation—can sometimes be prevented by following safe sleep recommendations.

“It’s easy to think, ‘That won’t happen to me,’” Kristen says. “I’m a nurse. I had the education. And it still happened.”

Faith and family helped Kristen and Mike navigate the difficult days after Parker’s death. Support from others who had experienced infant loss made a lasting difference. “There’s this taboo around talking about infant and child loss,” Kristen says. She remembers how it makes the grieving parent feel more alone.”

Kristen and Mike Willoughby (center) at the Center for Infant Loss Walk-Run for SIDS & Child Loss awareness event. 

After Parker died, both parents found their own ways to heal, with the support of Holy Cross Health and the Child and Infant Loss Center. Kristen immersed herself in the science of safe sleep and returned to work caring for sick children in the hospital. Mike took up marathon running and competitive bodybuilding. And a few years later, they found joy again in welcoming two more sons.

They now try to help other families facing similar grief. “Reach out for help,” Mike urges. “There are resources, but people don’t know about them until they ask. You are not alone.” Sharing Parker’s story also became part of their healing. They hope his legacy helps protect other babies.

Kristen and a team of NICU nurses, led by Tamara Sidorov, RN, ran a hospital-wide safe sleep initiative that earned Holy Cross Health Gold Certification from the Cribs for Kids National Safe Sleep Hospital Certification Program. Safe sleep guidance—like the “ABCs of Safe Sleep”—is now part of discharge classes and signage throughout the hospital.

Family members and friends gather to commemorate Parker's birthday with a spaghetti dinner.

“There are conflicting visuals and messages in the world on safe sleep, and there aren’t advertisements focused on safe sleep practices,” Kristen says. Most people will see the opposite of safe sleep environments in the media. Photos and images on television may show infants sleeping in cribs with big, fluffy blankets, on pillows, or in their parents’ beds—all of which pose a suffocation and/or overheating risk that research shows may contribute to SUID. 

Kristen says awareness has grown significantly in the 13 years since Parker’s death, thanks to research, campaigns from groups like the American Academy of Pediatrics and Holy Cross Health, and families willing to speak up.  

There are still many unknowns about what contributes to SUID, but it's clear that following safe sleep practices as well as raising community awareness about what safe sleep means can help lower the number of babies lost to these devastating events. And if just one baby is saved by these efforts, Kristen says, then Parker's legacy lives on, too.